April Fool's Joke




Since 2002, every year AutoZine posts a joke on the 1st of April. Here is a collection of the past jokes. Enjoy !




2010
Bob Lutz to head "old GM"



Bob Lutz, former vice president of General Motors, has reversed his decision of retirement once again.

Early last month, Lutz announced his retirement at the end of March following 47 years working in the motor industry. However, since then he had been contacted by Ron Bloom, the automotive task force or so-called "Car Czar" of Obama government, for leading a new venture formed from the remaining assets of "old GM".

GM went under bankruptcy protection last June. During the 45-days protection period, good assets were sold to the "new GM" and bad assets were left at the "old GM". While the new GM resumed operation and has been recovering, few people remember that the old GM was still there, and continued to be the burden of American taxpayers. It was one of the most critical problems for Ron Bloom to resolve. According to insider, the Obama government believed that the old GM could be turned into a valuable asset given some nice packaging, just like how Wall Street treated subprime mortgages. This view is shared with Bob Lutz, who has been desperately finding a new job to refuel his private jetfighter.



It is believed that Lutz is chosen for the job because he is the oldest guy out there.

Lutz is upbeat about the reopening of old GM. "Remember, its assets include even more plants than the new GM", said Lutz during an interview by Detroit Pistons, "This will provide us the volume to beat my ex-employer from the outset."

However, in order to avoid oversupplying the fragile US market, Lutz plans to convert half of the factories to produce his favourite cigars, then gradually shift back to automobile production once the market gets stabilized. The flexible production lines of GM makes switching between cars and cigars easy. "Recent studies found out we can simply take away the letter 'i' and 'g' from cigars to make cars."

Apart from production capacity, the old GM also holds many valuable marques, such as Pontiac, Saturn, Hummer and even the long-defunct Oldsmobile.

"They provide us a full and healthy portfolio of products. Each brand will have its unique identity, market positioning and target customers. Hummer will be our truck brand. Saturn will be our import-fighter against Chinese socks. Oldsmobile will serve very old people like me. And Pontiac, remember those chicken graphics on their bonnets or MJ-style plastic cladding everywhere ? it is always a symbol of American dream and taste. How could we miss it ?"

Concerning product plan, according to his plan, he has many plans, and those plans contain many sub-plans. One of the plans will be to sell green cars in order to secure the green car development fund of the US Federal government. "Yes, all our cars will be painted green."

All these news sound exciting enough to us. The "old GM" is scheduled to reopen at East coast time 9:00am, 1st of April, accompany with press conference at Marriott hotel. We will bring you update shortly.

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[Update: ET 9:01am] Well, it's all over. "Old GM" has been filed under Chapter 11 again as it failed to pay the hotel rent. Bob Lutz retires again.





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